Not riding it literally. Not allowed with a bun in the oven. Even though, a poppy seed, rather than a bun, is closer to the baby's size. Jim and I were going into Walmart yesterday, and as we were talking, we both came to the conclusion that ever since we first met, nearly 25 years ago, it's pretty much been a series of rollercoaster rides, so even though this was a surprise, we are kinda used to unexpected twists and turns.
Now that the initial shock waves are beginning to subside, I'm having a mix of feelings. Mostly, it just seems kind of surreal. I don't really "feel" pregnant yet, but I'm only 5 weeks, and hey I'm not complaining. I'm very much enjoying the fact that I don't feel like I wanna throw up at this juncture. Heartburn and headaches have been an issue as they usually are for me during pregnancy, but I also have those at other times. Emotionally, I'm fine, unless of course, anything happens, then I get irritable or on the verge of tears. And it doesn't take anything big either. It could be Jim just not smiling or answering in something other than a super gentle tone or suggesting I do something differently, and it feels like an attack or disapproval , that I've been tried and found lacking. And this has become a hard weekend because of some very foolish choices my teenage son made that got him into a BIG mess. I'm still feeling upset that he would do this to himself, to his future, and yes, to us. I'm not really looking for extra stressors right now. Guess I'm not feeling like mom or wife of the year right now cuz this week, I've been so wiped out, I've done pretty much nothing. I know pregnancy can cause this, and maybe being older makes the fatigue even worse. I'm also having a lot of sinus pain/pressure. Don't know if that has anything to do with hormones or if it's just an unfortunate coincidence. Have had some slight spotting off and on the past couple days, but it's not getting worse and no cramping, and most of the time it's not there. So I'm hoping and believing for the best. As I recall, I did have some spotting with a couple of my other kids. This early part in some ways is hardest for me. I know it's the riskiest part to get through and too soon for check ups or ultrasounds or hearing the heartbeat, all that cool reassuring stuff. Patience and trust is what this takes. Those are both areas that could use a little improvement in my life.
I had to see a dr yesterday cuz even though it's too soon for baby checkups yet, I had to stop my blood pressure med cuz it's not safe during pregnancy, and I was advised that I should be on blood pressure meds of some kind in this interim between now and first ob appt. And none of the regular drs wanna do anything with my meds. They want me to see an ob/gyn for anything that involves drugs. Ok , pardon me, but I just think that's stupid. I understand needing to see the gyno for pregnancy stuff, but seriously, is it that hard to go on your computer and look up which meds are safe for first trimester pregnancy? I mean c'mon, I can even do that, and I don't have any kind of medical or health care degree. It's not exactly rocket science. But anyway, she was a nice enough lady, and now I've got my meds taken care of so I'm less likely to blow a brain gasket or something from my bp being too high (which is a good thing cuz I need all the brains I can find right now). Plus, she gave me zofran , so now I'm prepared when/if the feeling like I'm gonna hurl comes crashing into my world. I would rather have dental work done without novacaine than feel sick to my stomach. And that's saying something cuz I am the world's biggest pain wimp. But that's how much the queazy weezies bother me.
Yesterday I needed a pick me up so I asked Jim if we could go to Walmart and look at the baby stuff. I know it's too soon to get anything, but I just needed to look. KWIM? And I'm happy to report that diaper bags are WAY cooler and hip looking than when my kids were babies. Some of them are actually cute( as in for me rather than cutesy for baby). Didn't really see anything else that seem hugely improved and more convenient, but probably should go to babies r us to see what's new and improved. Bet if we went there, we would be asked by the sales person if we were shopping for a grandchild. Oh well, guess I might as well get used to that, either that or find someone who can do a great face lift for around $50. Hey, a girl can dream! But hey being a more experienced mom, I know you don't need half the stuff they try to sell you. The two things you don't wanna cut corners on are the car seat and the breast pump. Because of safety issues, I feel much better with a new car seat, and I'm one that has to have a really good pump. No battery or manual ones for this girl. They don't do squat for me. I need the double sided electric one that you can turn up to turbo to get enough out to make it worth my while. LOL!
Today and tomorrow, I'm gonna try to get some things together and try to get back to "life as normal" (Ok for me, that's a relative term) on Monday. It's a long time til baby comes. Due date as of yesterday is Mar 8, but I'm guessing maybe a little sooner is when c section will be scheduled. So I can't just keep staring into the headlights in the meantime. Not really any baby stuff to do yet anyway. Besides, we have a family temporarily moving in with us for probably a month or so til they can get back on their feet cuz they were evicted and no place else to stay, so we will have 4 more people here. It's OK. It will be crowded since our house is small even for the 6 of us, but it's not forever, and I would hope if we were in that situation that someone would help us.
That's all for now.
Annette
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