It's with much sadness that I share that my pregnancy journey has ended. I confirmed today that we lost our baby. We will be OK, but right now, our hearts are heavy. I knew it was risky and that this was a very real possibility, but it doesn't make it any easier. While I don't believe that God did this, I still believe that He can use what the devil meant for evil and destruction and turn it around as a means to help somebody else. There's a song played on the local Christian radio station about how nothing that happens in your life is wasted. I forget the name of it, but that speaks to me. Do I believe it was God's will for me to lose this baby? No. I know that flies in the face of much mainline theology, but I don't see that being consistent with Scripture under the New Covenant. Jesus clearly said in John that satan is the one who steals, kills, and destroys, but that He has come to give LIFE and in abundance. But we live in a fallen world, and bad things sometimes happen. It's not God's fault. He made the world perfect. Humanity and the forces of evil have marred it. But still there is MUCH good, and we have MANY blessings, none of which we really deserve, and so I'm thankful. Thankful for this loss? No. But thankful IN this circumstance because my Lord and Savior will bring Jim and me through this. We will heal. We will go on. We will keep fighting the battles in the spirit that every follower of Jesus Christ must face in one form or another, And we WILL win. Not because of our great spirituality but because of the mighty, powerful, and awesome God we serve! Yes. for today, we are grieving. We've shed tears and will probably cry some more, but that doesn't change the fact that our heavenly Father has made us more than conquerers and given us the strength, comfort, and victory we need to press on for His glory!
May you experience His abiding love in a way that heals any hurts in your heart!
Annette
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
A Start
Yesterday went pretty well. The move in went fine, and the only one who freaked about the mess (but just to his mom, not to me) was the oldest son, who opted to go stay with his brother for a few days. That's fine. I don't really feel too bad about it cuz hey the kid is 19, so as far as I'm concerned, once a kid is out of high school, unless they are going to college or some other type of post secondary education, then they really shouldn't be getting a free ride and can be on their own anyway. My 20 year old is a full time student, yet pretty much self supporting and living away from home. So I don't feel really obligated to try to make things "acceptable" for this kid. I'm sorry the basement half bath is gross, but they are all welcome to use the better bathroom upstairs, and I'm not gonna go down into the musty basement and try to get rid of all the yuck in that bathroom, esp cuz there are no windows or ventilation, and I would need to use some pretty strong cleaners to get rid of all the build up and stuff. Not a great idea for a pregnant woman who has allergies that tend to get worse when expecting.
Those of us who were here, 9, all together, at dinner time ate together. Making dinner was an ordeal to me cuz of the heat (We don't have central air) and it just took a while since I made everything from scratch, and my kitchen was both dirty and messy with all our stuff plus the stuff they brought over. It took me about an hour and a half of working pretty much straight through with no breaks! I was sweating like a pig(only pigs don't really sweat). I did ask everyone to pitch in and clean off the table, find plates, cups, silverware, and scrounge up enough seating for everyone, just so I could sit for a couple minutes before putting dinner on the table since I felt overheated and wiped out. I don't think that's unreasonable.
It did feel better eating more like a normal person. I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Kept everything to one serving and felt satisfied. I did still have a headache off and on, but not constantly. I also think it helped switching my once a day meds back to first thing after breakfast and being more consistent with the protonix twice a day instead of once and taking the zantac as well (which I wasn't always doing). I had WAY less heartburn, and it didn't wake me up last night either. Of course, I did still have to get up to pee, but I was doing that BEFORE I was preggo anyway. LOL! This is gonna get very interesting toward the end when baby decides to use my bladder as a trampoline.
I feel much better now that I have the hair on my head touched up and trimmed and the excess on my face (mainly eyebrows) waxed.
I decided that I'm not going to sit around in grungy clothes with ratty hair and no makeup all day long, even if I'm not going anywhere. So after I had breakfast today, I did all my grooming/ hygiene stuff and put on fresh clothes and makeup and am doing my hair. I'm going to try to look my best each day, even if I don't feel so great physically or emotionally (which sometimes happens to me, esp when I'm gestating).
And yesterday and today I made my bed. Granted, in the sea of mess and chaos, a made bed is a tiny island, but it's something. It's a start. It's a task I can do that's not overwhelming. And believe it or not, even though everything else was still a mess, Jim noticed and appreciated that I made our bed! I also had the girls make their beds. James(my little guy) has his bed down in the basement, but he never sleeps in it. He's scared to be by himself, so he always ends up sleeping with the girls. So I'm thinking for now we should move his bed into the girls' room since he sleeps there anyway. I'm not gonna do it ,just cuz I don't do a lot of lifting when pregnant. But the girls volunteered. I love my girls! They can be such good helpers! Then I will show James how to make his bed. And we will all make that a morning habit.
So that's three things anyway. Regular meals and made beds and looking my best each day. Today I have to take James to OT and PT (occupational and physical therapy). He has some challenges with gross and fine motor, and Kelley has a dr appt. Jim and I have a Tues night group we go to out toward Minneapolis, and I still have to get dinner made. But if I can, I will try to add something else in to work on today for my "getting life in order and living like a normal person" project. We will just have to see how it goes.
Dinner tonight will be a pork butt roast (My kids find that quite humorous), baked potatoes, and tomatoes tossed with dressing. Pretty simple stuff. Takes a while to cook but nothing putzy about it, so it should be a less tiring venture than last night's meal.
Time to take my curlers out and start dinner. It needs to cook for several hours, but once it's in the oven, there's nothing else I have to do except cut up the tomatoes right before we eat and toss them with the dressing and herbs. So , off I go for today's adventures!
Annette
Those of us who were here, 9, all together, at dinner time ate together. Making dinner was an ordeal to me cuz of the heat (We don't have central air) and it just took a while since I made everything from scratch, and my kitchen was both dirty and messy with all our stuff plus the stuff they brought over. It took me about an hour and a half of working pretty much straight through with no breaks! I was sweating like a pig(only pigs don't really sweat). I did ask everyone to pitch in and clean off the table, find plates, cups, silverware, and scrounge up enough seating for everyone, just so I could sit for a couple minutes before putting dinner on the table since I felt overheated and wiped out. I don't think that's unreasonable.
It did feel better eating more like a normal person. I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Kept everything to one serving and felt satisfied. I did still have a headache off and on, but not constantly. I also think it helped switching my once a day meds back to first thing after breakfast and being more consistent with the protonix twice a day instead of once and taking the zantac as well (which I wasn't always doing). I had WAY less heartburn, and it didn't wake me up last night either. Of course, I did still have to get up to pee, but I was doing that BEFORE I was preggo anyway. LOL! This is gonna get very interesting toward the end when baby decides to use my bladder as a trampoline.
I feel much better now that I have the hair on my head touched up and trimmed and the excess on my face (mainly eyebrows) waxed.
I decided that I'm not going to sit around in grungy clothes with ratty hair and no makeup all day long, even if I'm not going anywhere. So after I had breakfast today, I did all my grooming/ hygiene stuff and put on fresh clothes and makeup and am doing my hair. I'm going to try to look my best each day, even if I don't feel so great physically or emotionally (which sometimes happens to me, esp when I'm gestating).
And yesterday and today I made my bed. Granted, in the sea of mess and chaos, a made bed is a tiny island, but it's something. It's a start. It's a task I can do that's not overwhelming. And believe it or not, even though everything else was still a mess, Jim noticed and appreciated that I made our bed! I also had the girls make their beds. James(my little guy) has his bed down in the basement, but he never sleeps in it. He's scared to be by himself, so he always ends up sleeping with the girls. So I'm thinking for now we should move his bed into the girls' room since he sleeps there anyway. I'm not gonna do it ,just cuz I don't do a lot of lifting when pregnant. But the girls volunteered. I love my girls! They can be such good helpers! Then I will show James how to make his bed. And we will all make that a morning habit.
So that's three things anyway. Regular meals and made beds and looking my best each day. Today I have to take James to OT and PT (occupational and physical therapy). He has some challenges with gross and fine motor, and Kelley has a dr appt. Jim and I have a Tues night group we go to out toward Minneapolis, and I still have to get dinner made. But if I can, I will try to add something else in to work on today for my "getting life in order and living like a normal person" project. We will just have to see how it goes.
Dinner tonight will be a pork butt roast (My kids find that quite humorous), baked potatoes, and tomatoes tossed with dressing. Pretty simple stuff. Takes a while to cook but nothing putzy about it, so it should be a less tiring venture than last night's meal.
Time to take my curlers out and start dinner. It needs to cook for several hours, but once it's in the oven, there's nothing else I have to do except cut up the tomatoes right before we eat and toss them with the dressing and herbs. So , off I go for today's adventures!
Annette
Monday, July 8, 2013
Getting life in order
I feel like my world has become topsy turvy. Right now there's no schedule or routines for anything, and stuff is just getting done hit or miss. Not that I was ever particularly organized to begin with, but at least a few things were under control. The changes that are starting to happen even now, along with the ones that will be coming up over the next several days, weeks, months all need to be considered, yet so much remains unknown. We have 6 people moving in today. And honestly, we are glad to be able to offer them shelter, but this will be such a big adjustment. I'm embarrassed about my messy, dirty house. Jim has been so great to do a lot of cleaning up, but there are still many areas that are dirty and disorderly, and the lady moving in with her family is a clean freak. I'm concerned she'll have a meltdown when she walks in the door. Well, what am I gonna do? It is what it is at the moment, and I guess she will either have to adjust or go set up her tent in the backyard. Or start cleaning stuff herself. Though I don't want her to have to do that. Cuz to get my house, let alone my life and those of my kids, in order is not gonna be something we can tackle in a day. This is going to probably involve multiple hours/days of work.
Not really much baby stuff to do at this point. Had some spotting again. It seems like every other morning it comes, then it's fine for a while. It lightens up throughout the day and the next. It's been about the same for 5 days, not going away, but not getting worse either. No cramping, but the um, personal area, feels a little irritated. Nothing horrible. Almost reminds me of yeast infection, but not itchy, and it doesn't have the other yeast type symptoms. So I don't know what's going on. I haven't really had anything quite like it before. From what I've read about miscarriages, this doesn't seem typical. I do realize it's still possible, but I'm not going down that road in my thinking. Statistics regarding pregnancy outcomes don't mean that much to me cuz they fail to factor in the power of God. Besides, according to statistics, your chance of becoming pregnant over 45 on your own is less than 1%. And well...... here I am.
Today I have a hair appointment, which also means I will get some exercise in cuz I have to walk there. Not really looking forward to the walk in this heat and humidity, but you do what you haveta do. And getting my hair done and eyebrows/chin waxed always is such a pick me up. I'm not a particularly pretty woman (I mean I'm not hideously scary ugly either) but about average I guess except for being quite overweight, but when my hair looks good and I've had a wax, I look SOOOOO much better, and that helps me feel better. I also am really wanting to get my nails done and a pedicure, but sadly, that will have to wait til we have more cash flow. Our car is acting up AGAIN. Well, it IS older than dirt. We keep pouring money into this thing, which we hate to do, but despite the expense of repairs, it's still cheaper than buying another vehicle. So today, Jim will drop it off at the mechanic's, and we will get to fork over another couple hundred bucks, give or take. GRRRRRRRRRR! We need that $ for other things.
Even though the disordered state of my life right now has left me wondering where to start on the path to getting some semblance of control, I decided food/meals would be a good beginning. The past week, our eating has been hit or miss and not particularly nutritionally sound, which tends to happen when you aren't planning regular meals, and just eating whatever whenever. So I figured this should be the first thing to change. We have to eat anyway, so why not take the stress out of it by planning a week's worth of meals. That way too I know I won't skip meals or binge on junk. Yes, guilty of doing both of those last week. Wasn't really a good girl in the food department, but I know that needs to change, esp now that I'm pregnant. I can't be packing on pounds like a linebacker here, but neither can I go all day without eating just cuz I may not feel hungry. Maybe by eating in a more regular pattern, I will have more energy and fewer headaches, and get rid of the constipation, and I know it's healthier for me and my little mini bambino. So last night I planned out a week's worth of breakfast. lunch, and dinners, made a grocery list, and did a big food shopping. I was REALLY tired after that! But now I have the food I need in the house to make and eat relatively healthy meals. So today I had breakfast. Granola with some blueberries in 1% milk. I'm satisfied but not stuffed, which is good. I also decided to start taking my meds right after I eat breakfast, like I used to, instead of waiting til later in the day, and see if that helps with the heartburn and one sided sinus type headaches. I'm also going to try to drink more water, and I've eliminated most caffeine. Tonight for dinner, I'm planning to make a penne pasta with ground beef bake, homemade bread, and a salad.
On Wed, a friend who does organizing professionally, is coming over to help me. She's giving us an AWESOME deal! I don't think one session is going to get everything in order, but it will be a start, and when we can afford to do more, I'm hoping to be able to use her services again.
But in the meantime, I'm going online to look for ideas about what to do next, now that I have the food thing pretty much taken care of. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. It could be for ANY area of life: spiritual, health, beauty, mental/emotional well being, fun, marriage, parenting, cleaning, organizing, homeschooling, time management, decorating, homemaking, personal growth/development, friendships/relationships, ministering/serving others. Those are all areas of importance to me. Would love to hear about any recommendations/resources.
Happy Monday!
Annette
Not really much baby stuff to do at this point. Had some spotting again. It seems like every other morning it comes, then it's fine for a while. It lightens up throughout the day and the next. It's been about the same for 5 days, not going away, but not getting worse either. No cramping, but the um, personal area, feels a little irritated. Nothing horrible. Almost reminds me of yeast infection, but not itchy, and it doesn't have the other yeast type symptoms. So I don't know what's going on. I haven't really had anything quite like it before. From what I've read about miscarriages, this doesn't seem typical. I do realize it's still possible, but I'm not going down that road in my thinking. Statistics regarding pregnancy outcomes don't mean that much to me cuz they fail to factor in the power of God. Besides, according to statistics, your chance of becoming pregnant over 45 on your own is less than 1%. And well...... here I am.
Today I have a hair appointment, which also means I will get some exercise in cuz I have to walk there. Not really looking forward to the walk in this heat and humidity, but you do what you haveta do. And getting my hair done and eyebrows/chin waxed always is such a pick me up. I'm not a particularly pretty woman (I mean I'm not hideously scary ugly either) but about average I guess except for being quite overweight, but when my hair looks good and I've had a wax, I look SOOOOO much better, and that helps me feel better. I also am really wanting to get my nails done and a pedicure, but sadly, that will have to wait til we have more cash flow. Our car is acting up AGAIN. Well, it IS older than dirt. We keep pouring money into this thing, which we hate to do, but despite the expense of repairs, it's still cheaper than buying another vehicle. So today, Jim will drop it off at the mechanic's, and we will get to fork over another couple hundred bucks, give or take. GRRRRRRRRRR! We need that $ for other things.
Even though the disordered state of my life right now has left me wondering where to start on the path to getting some semblance of control, I decided food/meals would be a good beginning. The past week, our eating has been hit or miss and not particularly nutritionally sound, which tends to happen when you aren't planning regular meals, and just eating whatever whenever. So I figured this should be the first thing to change. We have to eat anyway, so why not take the stress out of it by planning a week's worth of meals. That way too I know I won't skip meals or binge on junk. Yes, guilty of doing both of those last week. Wasn't really a good girl in the food department, but I know that needs to change, esp now that I'm pregnant. I can't be packing on pounds like a linebacker here, but neither can I go all day without eating just cuz I may not feel hungry. Maybe by eating in a more regular pattern, I will have more energy and fewer headaches, and get rid of the constipation, and I know it's healthier for me and my little mini bambino. So last night I planned out a week's worth of breakfast. lunch, and dinners, made a grocery list, and did a big food shopping. I was REALLY tired after that! But now I have the food I need in the house to make and eat relatively healthy meals. So today I had breakfast. Granola with some blueberries in 1% milk. I'm satisfied but not stuffed, which is good. I also decided to start taking my meds right after I eat breakfast, like I used to, instead of waiting til later in the day, and see if that helps with the heartburn and one sided sinus type headaches. I'm also going to try to drink more water, and I've eliminated most caffeine. Tonight for dinner, I'm planning to make a penne pasta with ground beef bake, homemade bread, and a salad.
On Wed, a friend who does organizing professionally, is coming over to help me. She's giving us an AWESOME deal! I don't think one session is going to get everything in order, but it will be a start, and when we can afford to do more, I'm hoping to be able to use her services again.
But in the meantime, I'm going online to look for ideas about what to do next, now that I have the food thing pretty much taken care of. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. It could be for ANY area of life: spiritual, health, beauty, mental/emotional well being, fun, marriage, parenting, cleaning, organizing, homeschooling, time management, decorating, homemaking, personal growth/development, friendships/relationships, ministering/serving others. Those are all areas of importance to me. Would love to hear about any recommendations/resources.
Happy Monday!
Annette
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Riding the rollercoaster
Not riding it literally. Not allowed with a bun in the oven. Even though, a poppy seed, rather than a bun, is closer to the baby's size. Jim and I were going into Walmart yesterday, and as we were talking, we both came to the conclusion that ever since we first met, nearly 25 years ago, it's pretty much been a series of rollercoaster rides, so even though this was a surprise, we are kinda used to unexpected twists and turns.
Now that the initial shock waves are beginning to subside, I'm having a mix of feelings. Mostly, it just seems kind of surreal. I don't really "feel" pregnant yet, but I'm only 5 weeks, and hey I'm not complaining. I'm very much enjoying the fact that I don't feel like I wanna throw up at this juncture. Heartburn and headaches have been an issue as they usually are for me during pregnancy, but I also have those at other times. Emotionally, I'm fine, unless of course, anything happens, then I get irritable or on the verge of tears. And it doesn't take anything big either. It could be Jim just not smiling or answering in something other than a super gentle tone or suggesting I do something differently, and it feels like an attack or disapproval , that I've been tried and found lacking. And this has become a hard weekend because of some very foolish choices my teenage son made that got him into a BIG mess. I'm still feeling upset that he would do this to himself, to his future, and yes, to us. I'm not really looking for extra stressors right now. Guess I'm not feeling like mom or wife of the year right now cuz this week, I've been so wiped out, I've done pretty much nothing. I know pregnancy can cause this, and maybe being older makes the fatigue even worse. I'm also having a lot of sinus pain/pressure. Don't know if that has anything to do with hormones or if it's just an unfortunate coincidence. Have had some slight spotting off and on the past couple days, but it's not getting worse and no cramping, and most of the time it's not there. So I'm hoping and believing for the best. As I recall, I did have some spotting with a couple of my other kids. This early part in some ways is hardest for me. I know it's the riskiest part to get through and too soon for check ups or ultrasounds or hearing the heartbeat, all that cool reassuring stuff. Patience and trust is what this takes. Those are both areas that could use a little improvement in my life.
I had to see a dr yesterday cuz even though it's too soon for baby checkups yet, I had to stop my blood pressure med cuz it's not safe during pregnancy, and I was advised that I should be on blood pressure meds of some kind in this interim between now and first ob appt. And none of the regular drs wanna do anything with my meds. They want me to see an ob/gyn for anything that involves drugs. Ok , pardon me, but I just think that's stupid. I understand needing to see the gyno for pregnancy stuff, but seriously, is it that hard to go on your computer and look up which meds are safe for first trimester pregnancy? I mean c'mon, I can even do that, and I don't have any kind of medical or health care degree. It's not exactly rocket science. But anyway, she was a nice enough lady, and now I've got my meds taken care of so I'm less likely to blow a brain gasket or something from my bp being too high (which is a good thing cuz I need all the brains I can find right now). Plus, she gave me zofran , so now I'm prepared when/if the feeling like I'm gonna hurl comes crashing into my world. I would rather have dental work done without novacaine than feel sick to my stomach. And that's saying something cuz I am the world's biggest pain wimp. But that's how much the queazy weezies bother me.
Yesterday I needed a pick me up so I asked Jim if we could go to Walmart and look at the baby stuff. I know it's too soon to get anything, but I just needed to look. KWIM? And I'm happy to report that diaper bags are WAY cooler and hip looking than when my kids were babies. Some of them are actually cute( as in for me rather than cutesy for baby). Didn't really see anything else that seem hugely improved and more convenient, but probably should go to babies r us to see what's new and improved. Bet if we went there, we would be asked by the sales person if we were shopping for a grandchild. Oh well, guess I might as well get used to that, either that or find someone who can do a great face lift for around $50. Hey, a girl can dream! But hey being a more experienced mom, I know you don't need half the stuff they try to sell you. The two things you don't wanna cut corners on are the car seat and the breast pump. Because of safety issues, I feel much better with a new car seat, and I'm one that has to have a really good pump. No battery or manual ones for this girl. They don't do squat for me. I need the double sided electric one that you can turn up to turbo to get enough out to make it worth my while. LOL!
Today and tomorrow, I'm gonna try to get some things together and try to get back to "life as normal" (Ok for me, that's a relative term) on Monday. It's a long time til baby comes. Due date as of yesterday is Mar 8, but I'm guessing maybe a little sooner is when c section will be scheduled. So I can't just keep staring into the headlights in the meantime. Not really any baby stuff to do yet anyway. Besides, we have a family temporarily moving in with us for probably a month or so til they can get back on their feet cuz they were evicted and no place else to stay, so we will have 4 more people here. It's OK. It will be crowded since our house is small even for the 6 of us, but it's not forever, and I would hope if we were in that situation that someone would help us.
That's all for now.
Annette
Now that the initial shock waves are beginning to subside, I'm having a mix of feelings. Mostly, it just seems kind of surreal. I don't really "feel" pregnant yet, but I'm only 5 weeks, and hey I'm not complaining. I'm very much enjoying the fact that I don't feel like I wanna throw up at this juncture. Heartburn and headaches have been an issue as they usually are for me during pregnancy, but I also have those at other times. Emotionally, I'm fine, unless of course, anything happens, then I get irritable or on the verge of tears. And it doesn't take anything big either. It could be Jim just not smiling or answering in something other than a super gentle tone or suggesting I do something differently, and it feels like an attack or disapproval , that I've been tried and found lacking. And this has become a hard weekend because of some very foolish choices my teenage son made that got him into a BIG mess. I'm still feeling upset that he would do this to himself, to his future, and yes, to us. I'm not really looking for extra stressors right now. Guess I'm not feeling like mom or wife of the year right now cuz this week, I've been so wiped out, I've done pretty much nothing. I know pregnancy can cause this, and maybe being older makes the fatigue even worse. I'm also having a lot of sinus pain/pressure. Don't know if that has anything to do with hormones or if it's just an unfortunate coincidence. Have had some slight spotting off and on the past couple days, but it's not getting worse and no cramping, and most of the time it's not there. So I'm hoping and believing for the best. As I recall, I did have some spotting with a couple of my other kids. This early part in some ways is hardest for me. I know it's the riskiest part to get through and too soon for check ups or ultrasounds or hearing the heartbeat, all that cool reassuring stuff. Patience and trust is what this takes. Those are both areas that could use a little improvement in my life.
I had to see a dr yesterday cuz even though it's too soon for baby checkups yet, I had to stop my blood pressure med cuz it's not safe during pregnancy, and I was advised that I should be on blood pressure meds of some kind in this interim between now and first ob appt. And none of the regular drs wanna do anything with my meds. They want me to see an ob/gyn for anything that involves drugs. Ok , pardon me, but I just think that's stupid. I understand needing to see the gyno for pregnancy stuff, but seriously, is it that hard to go on your computer and look up which meds are safe for first trimester pregnancy? I mean c'mon, I can even do that, and I don't have any kind of medical or health care degree. It's not exactly rocket science. But anyway, she was a nice enough lady, and now I've got my meds taken care of so I'm less likely to blow a brain gasket or something from my bp being too high (which is a good thing cuz I need all the brains I can find right now). Plus, she gave me zofran , so now I'm prepared when/if the feeling like I'm gonna hurl comes crashing into my world. I would rather have dental work done without novacaine than feel sick to my stomach. And that's saying something cuz I am the world's biggest pain wimp. But that's how much the queazy weezies bother me.
Yesterday I needed a pick me up so I asked Jim if we could go to Walmart and look at the baby stuff. I know it's too soon to get anything, but I just needed to look. KWIM? And I'm happy to report that diaper bags are WAY cooler and hip looking than when my kids were babies. Some of them are actually cute( as in for me rather than cutesy for baby). Didn't really see anything else that seem hugely improved and more convenient, but probably should go to babies r us to see what's new and improved. Bet if we went there, we would be asked by the sales person if we were shopping for a grandchild. Oh well, guess I might as well get used to that, either that or find someone who can do a great face lift for around $50. Hey, a girl can dream! But hey being a more experienced mom, I know you don't need half the stuff they try to sell you. The two things you don't wanna cut corners on are the car seat and the breast pump. Because of safety issues, I feel much better with a new car seat, and I'm one that has to have a really good pump. No battery or manual ones for this girl. They don't do squat for me. I need the double sided electric one that you can turn up to turbo to get enough out to make it worth my while. LOL!
Today and tomorrow, I'm gonna try to get some things together and try to get back to "life as normal" (Ok for me, that's a relative term) on Monday. It's a long time til baby comes. Due date as of yesterday is Mar 8, but I'm guessing maybe a little sooner is when c section will be scheduled. So I can't just keep staring into the headlights in the meantime. Not really any baby stuff to do yet anyway. Besides, we have a family temporarily moving in with us for probably a month or so til they can get back on their feet cuz they were evicted and no place else to stay, so we will have 4 more people here. It's OK. It will be crowded since our house is small even for the 6 of us, but it's not forever, and I would hope if we were in that situation that someone would help us.
That's all for now.
Annette
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Happy Fourth
Today is the 4th. I'm so glad Jim is off work today and tomorrow. We will be getting together with the relatives at his brother's house later this afternoon. I was really hoping to see our niece's new baby, but they aren't coming. :-(. Did I happen to ever mention that I kinda like babies? I'm also bummed that Cory (my 17 year old son) has to work and will miss out on the festivities and that Michael (my 20 year old) won't be coming home either. This will be the first family reunion where we haven't all been there. These are Jim's siblings and their families. The funny thing is they all have grandchildren, and here we are now having a baby.
My friend who wants children and is only a few years younger than I am, has been trying for the entire 7 years they've been married, is having a hard time with my pregnancy. She says she's happy for us but is mad that it's me and not her. I can understand how someone would feel that way. I mean I do already have 5 and we weren't trying to have another, so why should I get one so easily? That's a tough one to respond to. I guess I just need to accept her feelings but not take on the guilt that tries to jump on me because something I did is causing my friend pain. I'm not usually a super emotional person (except sometimes right before that time of the month) but when I'm pregnant it's like everything is magnified. I'm just more physically and emotionally sensitive.
I've just kinda been sitting around the last three days, so now I feel really off track. My wonderful hubby cleaned up our really gross basement and laundry room the other night. It was a few hours of some really hard work. I'm so thankful he did it cuz it SOOOOO needed to be done, but I just couldn't handle it. I wanna get back into a routine, but maybe a better one than before, and start working on stuff. But sometimes when life throws me a curve ball and there are times when I get off track, then when I want to get back in the swing of life, I have this "deer caught in the headlights" syndrome where I don't know where to start or how much to tackle at once when so many things seem urgent and yet I don't wanna leave out the less immediately urgent but still important stuff. The challenge is there are so many facets of life: taking care of my family(making sure kids are clean, fed, behaving, having school ----I homeschool my 3 youngest, their health, clean clothes, having fun with them, teaching them skills, spending time with them, being available to help or listen to them), being a wife (making meals, spending time with Jim, making sure we have sex more often than once a millenium, being supportive of him emotionally, doing things to show him I love and respect him, working on goals together, looking as attractive as possible for him, etc), the house (getting it clean, repaired, organized, and pretty and then maintaining all that), laundry, time with the Lord in prayer, reading and studying scripture, church, my own spiritual growth, my kids' spiritual growth, effectively leading in my position as nursery coordinator at church and doing the work involved with that, taking care of my health and appearance, exercise, keeping my mind/intellect stimulated (don't wanna lose what little brains I have left), having time to rest/relax, having time for fun, self improvement, marriage growth, parenting growth, maintaining relationships with friends and relatives as well as making new ones, and getting the stupid library books back on time, and on and on. I'm sure there's more stuff but basically , living all of life with purpose in every area. So where do I start? That's the million dollar question. If anyone has any ideas, resources to recommend, whatever, please share. I need something very concrete, step by step, like assignments or something.
Well, for now, I will start by having some cappuccino and a donut. Yes, I KNOW that's not the greatest choice, but one won't hurt me or the baby. Don't worry, this won't be my usual breakfast. So nobody needs to cyber yell at me. I don't need a visit from the pregnancy police. lol!
I hope anyone reading here has a wonderful, blessed, fun filled 4th!
Annette
My friend who wants children and is only a few years younger than I am, has been trying for the entire 7 years they've been married, is having a hard time with my pregnancy. She says she's happy for us but is mad that it's me and not her. I can understand how someone would feel that way. I mean I do already have 5 and we weren't trying to have another, so why should I get one so easily? That's a tough one to respond to. I guess I just need to accept her feelings but not take on the guilt that tries to jump on me because something I did is causing my friend pain. I'm not usually a super emotional person (except sometimes right before that time of the month) but when I'm pregnant it's like everything is magnified. I'm just more physically and emotionally sensitive.
I've just kinda been sitting around the last three days, so now I feel really off track. My wonderful hubby cleaned up our really gross basement and laundry room the other night. It was a few hours of some really hard work. I'm so thankful he did it cuz it SOOOOO needed to be done, but I just couldn't handle it. I wanna get back into a routine, but maybe a better one than before, and start working on stuff. But sometimes when life throws me a curve ball and there are times when I get off track, then when I want to get back in the swing of life, I have this "deer caught in the headlights" syndrome where I don't know where to start or how much to tackle at once when so many things seem urgent and yet I don't wanna leave out the less immediately urgent but still important stuff. The challenge is there are so many facets of life: taking care of my family(making sure kids are clean, fed, behaving, having school ----I homeschool my 3 youngest, their health, clean clothes, having fun with them, teaching them skills, spending time with them, being available to help or listen to them), being a wife (making meals, spending time with Jim, making sure we have sex more often than once a millenium, being supportive of him emotionally, doing things to show him I love and respect him, working on goals together, looking as attractive as possible for him, etc), the house (getting it clean, repaired, organized, and pretty and then maintaining all that), laundry, time with the Lord in prayer, reading and studying scripture, church, my own spiritual growth, my kids' spiritual growth, effectively leading in my position as nursery coordinator at church and doing the work involved with that, taking care of my health and appearance, exercise, keeping my mind/intellect stimulated (don't wanna lose what little brains I have left), having time to rest/relax, having time for fun, self improvement, marriage growth, parenting growth, maintaining relationships with friends and relatives as well as making new ones, and getting the stupid library books back on time, and on and on. I'm sure there's more stuff but basically , living all of life with purpose in every area. So where do I start? That's the million dollar question. If anyone has any ideas, resources to recommend, whatever, please share. I need something very concrete, step by step, like assignments or something.
Well, for now, I will start by having some cappuccino and a donut. Yes, I KNOW that's not the greatest choice, but one won't hurt me or the baby. Don't worry, this won't be my usual breakfast. So nobody needs to cyber yell at me. I don't need a visit from the pregnancy police. lol!
I hope anyone reading here has a wonderful, blessed, fun filled 4th!
Annette
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Various Random Stuff
Wow! I don't normally spend much time doing fb, so I don't usually have many posts on my wall, but hey, just tell the world you are pregnant @ 48 & all of a sudden the activity on your page goes WAY up! I can pretend I'm a popular chick. LOL!
Ok well, as some people know I was on a weight loss program, taking things very slowly. Have dropped 36 lbs, but that's taken over a year, and I'm still obese, but hey no longer morbidly obese. But really still @ least need to lose another 70 lbs. Guess the dr might frown upon that at this particular juncture. I guess no matter how heavy you are, they don't want you to loose weight while pregnant. Ok now I understand that towards the end when baby is packing on half a lb per week, but I would think it would be ok during the first trimester. I mean, right now, my little blessing is the size of a poppy seed, And if I could just drop 10 lbs I would be under 200, which I haven't been in 20 years, and wouldn't that be healthier to reduce my BMI? To me that makes sense cuz right now the baby doesn't need calories. And I'm not talking about crash dieting or anything, just sensible healthy eating, which you're supposed to do when you're pregnant anyway.
Today was pretty uneventful as I've done absolutely zippo, zilch, nothing. I don't feel sick. Just tired and have no energy to get my backside off the couch. Also, am starting to get dizzy sometimes. Not sure if that's just pregnancy or if I might still be anemic. I was pretty severely anemic a couple months back cuz of heavy bleeding from a fibroid. Even after they did d and c and I went a whole month without any bleeding, hemoglobin levels hadn't improved any. They were still 7.8, which is pretty low, but I'm guessing since I took meds during my last cycle that caused it to be much lighter, as in I was able to actually have a life AND my period at the same time cuz I didn't have to run to the bathroom every hour. (I apologize to any people of the male gender who may see this and be thinking TMI, but hey you ARE reading a pregnancy blog, so you might occasionally run across tidbits like this or see the word "uterus".) that my hemoglobin would at least be somewhat better. But ob dr doesn't wanna see me for another 4 weeks, so I won't be getting blood checked until then. But I guess that's ok. I mean, I'm pretty sure high 7s for hg isn't like life threatening or anything.
My house is a mess, but I'm not gonna stress over it. For now, I'm just too exhausted to do anything about it. Probably the combo of pregnancy at this age and maybe still anemia. Still, I struggle with feeling guilty when I haven't "accomplished" anything with my day. Oh well.
I'm changing clinics because the ob/gyn drs in my current clinic are a lot younger and less experienced than the guy I had last time, and because my pregnancy is considered very high risk, I want to be confident that I have the most knowledgeable, experienced one in town. And this guy knows his stuff but doesn't have the misconception that he is God. So anyway, I called to talk to the ob nurse cuz I had some questions, and she remembered who I was! That totally surprised me cuz it was 7 and a half years ago. And they deliver like a gazillion babies a year, so that would make me, let's see, after 7 years, 1 out of 7 gazillion people. Now, I'm not sure if it's a good thing to stand out among 7 gazillion well enough that someone remembers you 7 years later. Will need to ponder that one for a while.
I'm kinda bummed that I will have to have a c section. I would much rather try vbac. But they don't do those here. I would have to go to one of the big hospitals in Minneapolis, which means I'd have to see a Minneapolis dr for my prenatal care, and by the second half of my pregnancy those health care people are always watching me like a hawk and making me come in like every stinkin week. And I don't wanna have to be doing that 45 minute to an hour drive all the time. I'd rather stay here where the hospital and dr are like 5 minutes from my house (unless of course, we happen to be enroute during a train crossing) Then it's more like 5 hours. Ok maybe not quite, but it SEEMS that way, esp if you are running late and/or have to pee.
Well, that's enough for tonight. I'm getting heartburn. Yep, I'm pregnant alright. Never had heartburn in my life til 21 years ago when I was pregnant with my first. But my kids are so worth everything I went thru during pregnancy and childbirth. I'd do it all again in a New York minute. Hey! I am doing it again, but hopefully this will be a much smoother ride. But we will do what we need to do and take it one day @ a time and work some fun into this journey! Gotta be on the trip, might as well enjoy the ride!
Annette
Ok well, as some people know I was on a weight loss program, taking things very slowly. Have dropped 36 lbs, but that's taken over a year, and I'm still obese, but hey no longer morbidly obese. But really still @ least need to lose another 70 lbs. Guess the dr might frown upon that at this particular juncture. I guess no matter how heavy you are, they don't want you to loose weight while pregnant. Ok now I understand that towards the end when baby is packing on half a lb per week, but I would think it would be ok during the first trimester. I mean, right now, my little blessing is the size of a poppy seed, And if I could just drop 10 lbs I would be under 200, which I haven't been in 20 years, and wouldn't that be healthier to reduce my BMI? To me that makes sense cuz right now the baby doesn't need calories. And I'm not talking about crash dieting or anything, just sensible healthy eating, which you're supposed to do when you're pregnant anyway.
Today was pretty uneventful as I've done absolutely zippo, zilch, nothing. I don't feel sick. Just tired and have no energy to get my backside off the couch. Also, am starting to get dizzy sometimes. Not sure if that's just pregnancy or if I might still be anemic. I was pretty severely anemic a couple months back cuz of heavy bleeding from a fibroid. Even after they did d and c and I went a whole month without any bleeding, hemoglobin levels hadn't improved any. They were still 7.8, which is pretty low, but I'm guessing since I took meds during my last cycle that caused it to be much lighter, as in I was able to actually have a life AND my period at the same time cuz I didn't have to run to the bathroom every hour. (I apologize to any people of the male gender who may see this and be thinking TMI, but hey you ARE reading a pregnancy blog, so you might occasionally run across tidbits like this or see the word "uterus".) that my hemoglobin would at least be somewhat better. But ob dr doesn't wanna see me for another 4 weeks, so I won't be getting blood checked until then. But I guess that's ok. I mean, I'm pretty sure high 7s for hg isn't like life threatening or anything.
My house is a mess, but I'm not gonna stress over it. For now, I'm just too exhausted to do anything about it. Probably the combo of pregnancy at this age and maybe still anemia. Still, I struggle with feeling guilty when I haven't "accomplished" anything with my day. Oh well.
I'm changing clinics because the ob/gyn drs in my current clinic are a lot younger and less experienced than the guy I had last time, and because my pregnancy is considered very high risk, I want to be confident that I have the most knowledgeable, experienced one in town. And this guy knows his stuff but doesn't have the misconception that he is God. So anyway, I called to talk to the ob nurse cuz I had some questions, and she remembered who I was! That totally surprised me cuz it was 7 and a half years ago. And they deliver like a gazillion babies a year, so that would make me, let's see, after 7 years, 1 out of 7 gazillion people. Now, I'm not sure if it's a good thing to stand out among 7 gazillion well enough that someone remembers you 7 years later. Will need to ponder that one for a while.
I'm kinda bummed that I will have to have a c section. I would much rather try vbac. But they don't do those here. I would have to go to one of the big hospitals in Minneapolis, which means I'd have to see a Minneapolis dr for my prenatal care, and by the second half of my pregnancy those health care people are always watching me like a hawk and making me come in like every stinkin week. And I don't wanna have to be doing that 45 minute to an hour drive all the time. I'd rather stay here where the hospital and dr are like 5 minutes from my house (unless of course, we happen to be enroute during a train crossing) Then it's more like 5 hours. Ok maybe not quite, but it SEEMS that way, esp if you are running late and/or have to pee.
Well, that's enough for tonight. I'm getting heartburn. Yep, I'm pregnant alright. Never had heartburn in my life til 21 years ago when I was pregnant with my first. But my kids are so worth everything I went thru during pregnancy and childbirth. I'd do it all again in a New York minute. Hey! I am doing it again, but hopefully this will be a much smoother ride. But we will do what we need to do and take it one day @ a time and work some fun into this journey! Gotta be on the trip, might as well enjoy the ride!
Annette
Monday, July 1, 2013
The Intro.
I'm Annette. A follower of Jesus Christ, a believer of the Bible, a wife for 23 years, and the mom of 5 kids, ages 20, 17, almost 14, almost 12, and 7. I'm 48 years old. And SURPRISE! pregnant with baby #6. I was gonna say, "How did this happen?" But that's a little silly. Hey! I took biology in college. Even managed to get an A. It's just that I wasn't exactly PLANNING for this to happen. I mean I will be 49 in November, and 49 year old women don't exactly go around shooting out babies. I just found out yesterday via home pregnancy test but because the line was SOOOOO light, I decided to go to the clinic today to get it confirmed. Guess it doesn't matter how light that second line is. If it's there, BINGO! So hubby and I are still in a somewhat surprised state. OK shocked out of our socks is more accurate. All 5 of our kids are happy about it, which surprised me, esp my 20 and 17 year old sons. Though we are a little caught off guard, Hubby, Jim, and I are happy. We LOVE kids, esp little ones. And I am a self proclaimed baby fanatic. Babies are my passion. Well, one of them anyway. I'm a little ADHD so I like lots of different things.
We've told a few people already, and I put a somewhat coded message on my fb status. Genesis 18:12. So not everyone will figure it out. Only those who are either very familiar with scripture &/or bother to look it up. And then they will have to put it together that my status is the same as Sarah's. She laughed to hear she could become pregnant at her age. And guess what! I laughed too. God must have a sense of humor. I know a lot of people keep their pregnancies secret until the first trimester passes in case of miscarriage. Well, that's never been us. I guess the thought is that you don't want people to know you're pregnant in case you miscarry, but honestly, if I were to go through that, I would want people to know, so I could experience their support, care, and prayers. I don't see any reason to have to hide my pregnancy. It's nothing shameful or wrong. I'm a married woman experiencing one of God's blessings. I know it goes somewhat against our cultural norms to have a large family as well as to have a baby when you will be pushing 50. I know there are risks. But hey, life is full of risks. It's a risk to cross the street. You might get hit by a bus. It's a risk to go to a convenience store cuz there might be a robbery, and no, I'm NOT talking about what they charge for toilet paper and soap. And it's definitely a risk to drive or ride in a car with so many clueless inattentive drivers on the road. Yet, people do these things without a second thought.
Yet even among the few people we've told, there have been mixed reactions. It's interesting to note that not everyone has said congratulations, even though they are well aware that we are happy. I know they don't see it in the same light we do, esp cuz I haven't had exactly a calm obstetrical history. But history does NOT always repeat itself, and even though all my previous pregnancies have been high risk, everything turned out fine. I refuse to let fear, esp that which belongs to other people, stand in the way of God's calling and blessing in my life, which is to be a mom to many. I know there are some friends and family who will think Jim and I are foolish, but I would rather obey God than try to please others. We all have different callings. Some are called to be missionaries in dangerous places, and I'm sure they have loved ones who think they are idiots for going there, but if you ignore your calling, then how do you fulfill your purpose? But I guess I just have to develop a thick skin toward negative reactions from others. They aren't me. Their feelings belong to them. It's just a little hard right now cuz being pregnant also means i'm more emotionally sensitive than usual, so I feel their critical thoughts even though no one has been rude or ugly. I can pick up the undertones so easily now. But I can't let myself stay focused on those thoughts. They get to live their lives, and I get to live mine, and it's OK if those choices and journeys are radically different from one another. It's even Ok if they think Jim and I are crazy. And hey, in all fairness I never did claim to be normal exactly. Or follow the crowd. In the words of Thoreau, or maybe it was Emerson, they were buddies you know, but I digress. Sorry ADHD moment. Anyway, my pace does not always keep up with my companions, but I step to the music which I hear, however measured or far away. The music I hear is the direction of the Holy Spirit, checked with the Word of God and submission to my husband according to that same Word. That's another hot topic that sticks in the craw of those who don't believe the Bible to be God's authoritative Word, but I'm so not gonna go on a trip into debate world on this. Not cuz I'm chicken or anything. Just that it's not the focus here. Besides, I'm not into debating. Sharing, listening, being respectful to one another, and doing all this with a heart of kindness and humility, that's cool. Getting mean, arrogant, angry, and prideful, not cool.
Anyway, I know we are facing some high risks, and our journey has just begun. I am 4 weeks since my last period. Average pregnancy lasts 37-42 weeks. Mine have tended to be shorter since my last two were preemies. And since the last one was emergency csection, and I live in the sticks with a decent but small hospital that doesn't offer vbac, looks like it will be another c. So because I'm a fat chick and older and have high blood pressure (but it is well controlled with meds) and am borderline diabetic and have had 2 preemies, I'm pretty sure they will wanna schedule that csection sooner rather than later. But haven't been to ob/gyn yet so I don't know exactly when they will wanna schedule the filleting process. So we will see. Anyway this is enough for an intro. Please feel free to comment, but I do ask that you be polite and respectful to me and in response to other commenters. And if you have any thoughts, questions, or ideas you would like me to write about in future posts, please let me know. Hey! I'm gonna be a mom for the sixth time at age 49! How crazy, adventurous, and cool is that? Personally, I think it's a lot more so than climbing Mount Everest. But to those climbers I would say, "Go for it!" I guess I'm just one of those people who prefers my adventures closer to home and ground level and Starbucks.
Enthusiastically Expecting in this Adventure we call Life,
Annette
We've told a few people already, and I put a somewhat coded message on my fb status. Genesis 18:12. So not everyone will figure it out. Only those who are either very familiar with scripture &/or bother to look it up. And then they will have to put it together that my status is the same as Sarah's. She laughed to hear she could become pregnant at her age. And guess what! I laughed too. God must have a sense of humor. I know a lot of people keep their pregnancies secret until the first trimester passes in case of miscarriage. Well, that's never been us. I guess the thought is that you don't want people to know you're pregnant in case you miscarry, but honestly, if I were to go through that, I would want people to know, so I could experience their support, care, and prayers. I don't see any reason to have to hide my pregnancy. It's nothing shameful or wrong. I'm a married woman experiencing one of God's blessings. I know it goes somewhat against our cultural norms to have a large family as well as to have a baby when you will be pushing 50. I know there are risks. But hey, life is full of risks. It's a risk to cross the street. You might get hit by a bus. It's a risk to go to a convenience store cuz there might be a robbery, and no, I'm NOT talking about what they charge for toilet paper and soap. And it's definitely a risk to drive or ride in a car with so many clueless inattentive drivers on the road. Yet, people do these things without a second thought.
Yet even among the few people we've told, there have been mixed reactions. It's interesting to note that not everyone has said congratulations, even though they are well aware that we are happy. I know they don't see it in the same light we do, esp cuz I haven't had exactly a calm obstetrical history. But history does NOT always repeat itself, and even though all my previous pregnancies have been high risk, everything turned out fine. I refuse to let fear, esp that which belongs to other people, stand in the way of God's calling and blessing in my life, which is to be a mom to many. I know there are some friends and family who will think Jim and I are foolish, but I would rather obey God than try to please others. We all have different callings. Some are called to be missionaries in dangerous places, and I'm sure they have loved ones who think they are idiots for going there, but if you ignore your calling, then how do you fulfill your purpose? But I guess I just have to develop a thick skin toward negative reactions from others. They aren't me. Their feelings belong to them. It's just a little hard right now cuz being pregnant also means i'm more emotionally sensitive than usual, so I feel their critical thoughts even though no one has been rude or ugly. I can pick up the undertones so easily now. But I can't let myself stay focused on those thoughts. They get to live their lives, and I get to live mine, and it's OK if those choices and journeys are radically different from one another. It's even Ok if they think Jim and I are crazy. And hey, in all fairness I never did claim to be normal exactly. Or follow the crowd. In the words of Thoreau, or maybe it was Emerson, they were buddies you know, but I digress. Sorry ADHD moment. Anyway, my pace does not always keep up with my companions, but I step to the music which I hear, however measured or far away. The music I hear is the direction of the Holy Spirit, checked with the Word of God and submission to my husband according to that same Word. That's another hot topic that sticks in the craw of those who don't believe the Bible to be God's authoritative Word, but I'm so not gonna go on a trip into debate world on this. Not cuz I'm chicken or anything. Just that it's not the focus here. Besides, I'm not into debating. Sharing, listening, being respectful to one another, and doing all this with a heart of kindness and humility, that's cool. Getting mean, arrogant, angry, and prideful, not cool.
Anyway, I know we are facing some high risks, and our journey has just begun. I am 4 weeks since my last period. Average pregnancy lasts 37-42 weeks. Mine have tended to be shorter since my last two were preemies. And since the last one was emergency csection, and I live in the sticks with a decent but small hospital that doesn't offer vbac, looks like it will be another c. So because I'm a fat chick and older and have high blood pressure (but it is well controlled with meds) and am borderline diabetic and have had 2 preemies, I'm pretty sure they will wanna schedule that csection sooner rather than later. But haven't been to ob/gyn yet so I don't know exactly when they will wanna schedule the filleting process. So we will see. Anyway this is enough for an intro. Please feel free to comment, but I do ask that you be polite and respectful to me and in response to other commenters. And if you have any thoughts, questions, or ideas you would like me to write about in future posts, please let me know. Hey! I'm gonna be a mom for the sixth time at age 49! How crazy, adventurous, and cool is that? Personally, I think it's a lot more so than climbing Mount Everest. But to those climbers I would say, "Go for it!" I guess I'm just one of those people who prefers my adventures closer to home and ground level and Starbucks.
Enthusiastically Expecting in this Adventure we call Life,
Annette
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